A Random Tale of Emmett
by AwesomeBlonde89
Summary: Emmett gets in a little fight with Edward, a crazy mom with a stuffed alpaca, and an elderly lady.  Yes, very random indeed...Please Read! :   Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight!


"Emmett," Edward said in a low voice, "you are a complete idiot!"

Emmett cringed. "I am not an idiot!"

"If your not an idiot, then why did you eat my sock? 'Cause that seems fairly idiotic to me!"

"I ate your sock because it looked like a cupcake!" Emmett exclaimed.

Edward stared at Emmett, confusion clearly written on his face. "Emmett? We don't eat!" he yelled.

Emmett cringed again. "I know! But I hear that cupcakes taste yummy and I was curious."

Edward face-palmed. "Congratulations Emmett Cullen! You have just leveled up. You are no longer an idiot, you are now officially a moron!"

"Stop calling me mean names!"

"I have every right to call you mean names! You are a disgrace to the entire vampire population. We are not meant to eat, especially not socks!"

"Oh yeah? Well I'd rather be a sock-eating vampire than a male vampire that wears bright pink socks that have small polka dots on them! Your such a flamer!"

Edward stood in front of Emmett and glared. "How do you know these socks are mine? They could be Bella's!"

"I found them in your drawer! And I know for sure that Bella wouldn't be caught dead wearing those socks!"

Edwards right eye twitched. "You were in my room?"

Emmett twirled his thumbs. "Maybe I was, maybe I wasn't."

"But you just said that you went in my room!"

"Hm. Really? Sorry, I don't recall ever saying that. I think you need to visit an ear doctor."

"I don't go to the doctor you moron!" Edward shouted.

"Why not?"

Edward sighed. "Because I'm a vampire! We don't go to the doctor!"

Emmett held up his hands. "No need to get your boxers in a twist. I was just suggesting it gosh," and then coughed on, "little flamer is getting grumpy."

Edwards eye twitches again. "Are you trying to start a fight?"

Emmett stood up and started posing like a ninja. "Bring it on young grasshopper!"

For the next five minutes, both guys tried to punch and kick each other. Of course they stopped when Bella came walking into the house.

"Um, did I miss something?" she asked when she saw the guys posing like ninjas.

"Hi Bella!" Emmett said obnoxiously loud and skipped over to her, completely ignoring the question.

"Uh, hey Emmett. What's going on?"

"Hm. Let me think!" Emmett said while making an extremely goofy face.

"What are you doing?" Bella asked when the face got to be a little concerning.

"I told you, I'm trying to think! Okay, um, oh yea! Now I remember!" Emmett began, " I was watching TV then got bored and decided to randomly walk around the house. I ended up going to Edwards room and I found a pair of socks that I had mistaken for a cupcake and ate it. Edward got his boxers in a twist and wanted to fight. Oh yeah, you might want to consider getting a divorce."

Bella stood there staring at Emmett as she let the story sink in. "Why should I get a divorce?"

Emmett leaned closer to her. "Because Edward is a total flamer!"

Bella twitched and turned to look at Edward. "Why do you think this Emmett?"

"Because the cupcake impersonating socks were bright pink and had polka dots on them! I found them in his room and he claimed they were yours, but I knew you wouldn't be caught dead wearing them!"

Bella took this into consideration and ended up fainting.

Emmett stared down at Bella's limp body. "Um, Edward?"

When Emmett didn't get a response, he turned around and found Edward sitting in a dark corner holding onto the other bright pink sock. "I'm sorry that mean 'ole moronic vampire ate your sister. It'll be okay, don't cry!"

Emmett shook his head and turned his attention back to Bella. "Now something tells me I should pick her up and move her someplace else, but this would take effort now wouldn't it?" Emmett began thinking aloud, "herm, what was I talking about? Oh well. I'm gonna leave now."

Emmett stepped over Bella's limp body and walked outside to his jeep. He climbed in and began driving to the nearest convenience store.

"_I'm going to the store! To the store! I'm randomly going to the store!"_ Emmett began singing.

After repeating the song 50 times he decided he needed to listen to real music. He began searching for the radio stations he liked best and once he found his favorite station, Emmett turned the volume up. He was getting ready to put his hand back on the wheel, but when he did the radio blew up, literally.

Luckily when the radio blew up, Emmett was already stopped at a red light. He began feeling himself getting mad. A car pulled up next to him just as he exploded. "YOU SON OF A-"

**People in the car next to Emmett**

"So always remember Timmy, yellow means slow down, and red means sto-" the mother was trying to explain to her five year old son but was cut off when Emmett began yelling profanities and punching the horn obnoxiously.

"Mommy? What's wrong with that man?" little Timmy asked.

"Timmy, that person is a good example of someone who has terrible road rage. Now turn your head before you catch it. Road rage spreads like a cold."

For the next 30 seconds the mother and son sat and listened to Emmett yelling and the jeep horn honking.

"Hey mom? What does !$#$ mean?"

"Timmy!" the mother shouts.

**Back to Emmett**

"You stupid piece of crap! How dare you blow up!" Emmett yelled at the now broken radio.

His angry ranting continued until he got to the store. He stomped in and went to the toy section. "BUBBLES!" he squealed with delight when he saw the soapy liquid swishing around in neon colored tubes.

All anger disappearing, he walked over to the bubbles and began picking up as many tubes as he could fit in his arms. After he picked up 286 tubes of bubbles, Emmett began to walk to the check-out lane. On his way there he passed a wall that was covered with shelves of stuffed animals.

"ALPACA!" he shouted and ran to retrieve the stuffed animal. When he saw that it was the last alpaca he dropped all 286 tubes of bubbles and picked up the animal.

"So which stuffed animal are you going to get Timmy?" a mother asked her son.

"I want the alpaca I saw a few days ago! It was cool and fluffy!" said a high pitched squeaky voice.

Emmett turned around we he heard the mother and son approaching the wall of stuffed animals.

"Oh no! It's gone!" Timmy said sadly.

"They'll probably get more in soon. We can come back later okay?" said the mother.

Feeling guilty Emmett looked down at the alpaca to say goodbye. "Bye bye alpaca."

"Um, excuse me," Emmett said to the mother," I couldn't help but to notice that your son was wanting the alpaca. I was going to buy it, but your son wants it more than I do. You can have it if you'd like."

"Thanks mister!" said Timmy as Emmett handed him the alpaca.

"Not a problem kid."

The mom smiled at Emmett. "Thank you very much! Your so kind. Wait a second." The mother said while she got a better look at him. Her smile faded. "Your the man that taught Timmy that foul word! Be gone you terrible person!" She yanked the alpaca from Timmy's arms and began beating Emmett with it.

"Ah! Stop! Please!" Emmett begged the crazed mother.

"How dare you use that foul language near my little Timmy!" the mother shouted and continued beating Emmett with the alpaca.

"I'm sorry! It's all my fault, just stop beating me with an alpaca! I'm sorry!"

Emmett fell to the ground, crushing several tubes of bubbles, and tried rolling away. It worked much better in his head than in reality. Emmett ended up rolling into an elderly lady with a cane, which caused her to fall over.

Emmett quickly helped the elderly lady up. "Sorry," he said.

"Thief!" the lady yelled.

"What? No! I'm not a thief!"

"Shut up you darn thief!" the elderly lady yelled and began whacking Emmett with the cane.

Soon the mother and the elderly lady joined forces and teamed up on poor Emmett. Meanwhile in the background little Timmy is cheering on his mom. "Go mommy! Be careful! Don't hurt the alpaca! Break his nose!"

Emmett sighed. _Note to self: Steer clear of crazy mothers with stuffed alpacas, and elderly women with canes. Oh and kids are evil._

**So yeah this is just another random story that popped into my head today.**

**Thank you for taking the time to read my story and I hope you enjoyed it! :D**


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